I am a combat veteran.
Everyday, I live, I breathe, and I think Iraq. I think of every aspect of that place. It is my life...more so than many of the so-called experts who rant and rave about it. I have walked the streets of downtown Baghdad, I have trudged through the darkness that so much of my life has seemed to become. And I am frustrated. It is hard to battle on behalf of the ungrateful, the misled and the uninformed.
The Iraqis and the rest of the World are just as guilty as the Americans in this. It infuriates me to no end to have tried so hard, to have put myself and the ones I have led into the line of fire in danger...and now know that I have been forsaken by the ones I am here to save. They turned their heads when I asked questions. They would say, "there are no terrorists and still no freedom". Unfortunately, the Iraqi people only responded to force, violence, dominance...it has been their life for so long. Our cultures and religions alone only widen the gap between our struggles over there.
Those of us who have stepped up to fight, are few...the Army and police there are small, and struggling to grow. They encouraged and endorsed Security Contractors, like myself, to do the job with them. We were the hope of a nation ever leaving our control. We were their saviors ..........all the way to their detriment.
But more than anyone, I sometimes see futility in my actions. I fight, I kill, I scar myself emotionally, psychologically, and in some ways physically...and as I lay in the dark at night, I wonder what it was all for. Fortunate or unfortunate, you decide. I was marked to see the face of satan during my tour. I wonder if the Iraqi people will ever get it together or if the country will collapse on itself whether I was there or not. It makes me angry, and a big part of me is content to let it fall apart. Part of me doesn't care what happened to that God-forsaken city after I left it.
I came away knowing one thing: Freedom isn't free: You fight for it. You must be prepared to die for it. Everyday that we are over there in the stench, the chaos, the hell, we are there to show the meek, the mild, the children, the women, the oppressed, that we are there to liberate them. As is the motto of my old Special Forces Unit, the 19 SFG(ABN) : DE OPPRESSO LIBER ...look it up.
